Chapter 2 : YO! WHAT'S UP?
There is a problem in minor sports. Ever increasing rumblings from
coaches, spectators, game officials and participants themselves indicate
the problem’s magnitude. You've only to check your local newspaper
for letters to the editor to confirm this. Something is wrong, and it
permeates every facet of minor sports, regardless of activity, gender
or age.
The header read "Baseball Season Taught Poor Lessons for Life"
when the following letter-to-the-editor appeared in a Canadian newspaper.
"My 15-year-old son has been playing minor baseball and minor
hockey since he was six, yet I have never been so discouraged as during
this past poorly-organized season. Nor have I seen such a display of
outbursts and bad temper.
To begin, my pre-registration cheque was mailed in December and
cashed in January. Then we waited.
In the past, ball practices have normally begun at the end of
April or beginning of May. This year, my son waited for weeks for a
call from a coach to say when practices would begin, when his first
game would be played or what team he would play on.
At the end of May, after several messages I left on an answering
machine, I was informed that, sorry, they didn't have coaches! Should
sports organizations that have cashed one's cheque months in advance
not have the courtesy to at least inform players of the situation about
coaches and other arrangements.
When finally we were on a team they then informed us that there
would be no practices - there were no ball diamonds available.
When the season finally got under way, arguments broke out at several
of the games, and several others were rained out. Those were to be rescheduled,
yet at the last game of the season we were informed that the rained-out
games were not going to be played.
And let me tell you about that last game. Before it began an umpire,
who was not officiating that day, got into an argument with the coaches.
Then he left, and the game began. About halfway through another argument
broke out, this time between the two game umpires and the coaches. There
were a few tense moments. Words were exchanged and I wondered if they
were going to come to blows! Finally, the umpire told the children to
go home - the game was over. Those children begged him. They pleaded,
"It's our last game. Please, let us play." But the game was
over.
Minor sports isn't cheap. I paid for my son to play ball for a
full season. I feel he has been cheated and should be reimbursed for
the failure to reschedule certain games.
What has this season taught our children? 'It's okay, we have
your money. Nothing you can do about it.' It has taught them to swear,
argue, raise their tempers and come close to fist fights. Whatever happened
to good sportsmanship and going out to have a good time?
Three strikes - you're out. I feel that the three strikes came
before the season even started."
What did happen to good sportsmanship and going out to have a good
time? I'm sure you feel this parent's frustration as personally as I
do. Her complaints are valid - her son had learned negative values from
his experience with minor sports that season. It is beyond sad that
those boys wanted so desperately just to play ball and instead, through
circumstances that had nothing to do with them, their last game of the
season was canceled.
Children are full of enthusiasm and optimism. Life, to them, is full
of possibilities. The memory of a caught fly-ball, played on a loop
again and again in their minds, will last forever. This is the stuff
dreams are made of. Yet we tamper with those dreams by abusing the positions
of authority we are in. We, the parents and coaches, have the power
to build or to destroy, and that is an awesome responsibility.
As with every story, there are two sides, so in the interests of fair
play I have printed the umpire's response to that parent's letter, which
appeared in the letters to the editor section some days later.
"I would like to come to an understanding with 'Pat' about
her letter entitled, 'Baseball Season Taught Poor Lessons for Life'.
Considering how many leagues there are in this area, baseball
diamonds are in short supply. League conveners won't know how many diamonds
they are going to get until the city tells them. Coaches are volunteers
who offer their time. They, too, are in limited supply.
'Pat's' money covers the cost of maintaining the diamonds, such
as putting the lines down, and paying umpiring fees so she can have
umpires at the games. Being an umpire in one hundred or so games this
year, I am judge, jury and executioner out on the playing field. An
umpire pays for his own equipment and is out there as much to serve
the children playing baseball as are the coaches, but paid to know the
rules. Umpires don't like ejections or forfeits either, for the same
reason 'Pat' cited about what they teach children. Umpires are human.
We make mistakes, but that's life. Some of the rules call for ejection
and/or game forfeiture as a way of calming down a situation such as
the one cited by 'Pat'. There is nothing else an umpire can do, according
to the rule book.
Why doesn't 'Pat' become a coach? Failing that, she could become
an umpire. She would have a greater appreciation for all that goes on
behind the scenes rather than complaining about it."
Coaches are volunteers - true. Umpires serve children for much the same
reason as do coaches - true. Umpires make mistakes - true. Umpires are
human - true. Yet, in all of this some very important details have been
overlooked. What lessons are the children learning? Who controls what
the children learn? When does the fun begin?
In his response the umpire states that game ejection and game forfeiture
are necessary to calm certain situations down. That begs the questions
of why we create situations that escalate through anger, necessitating
an umpire’s drastic interventions. It matters very little who
is right and who is wrong. Do we want to teach our children that ranting
and raving are the way to handle anger?
Children are constantly learning. The younger they are the more impressionable
they are. It is our job to present children with positive learning experiences,
not negative ones. The example that we set is the lead children will
follow. Consider this scenario.
A mother and her son are in an elevator. Suddenly, the lights go out
and the elevator shudders to a halt. The child is about to panic and
tears well up in his eyes. He calls to his mother who has remained calm
and reassures him that everything is all right. Help is on the way.
She smiles, gives him a hug and his world is safe once again. He trusts
her and follows her lead until the situation is resolved. This lesson
will be stored in the child's memory to become a part of his coping
mechanism. However, had she behaved irrationally - screaming and crying
in terror - you can bet that that too would have been burned into the
child's memory, giving him quite a different set of coping skills for
life. We often take our own actions for granted, not realizing that
they have a direct impact on a child's state of mind, now and for the
future.
The same lesson applies to the relationship between a coach and his
team. If the coach is out to win at all costs, his team will believe
that they, too, must win at all costs. If the coach gets angry and throws
equipment, his team will learn that when they get angry they, too, can
throw equipment. It is paramount in life for each one of us to learn
to deal constructively with our anger, because anger leads to . . .
. . . - I'll let you finish the sentence.
If the coach complains and yells at the officials, then his team will
also feel they can complain and yell at the officials. A child's developing
sense of logic might tell him that if it's okay to yell at an official,
then it must also be okay to yell at his teacher, or his parents, or
worse.
Are you getting the picture? The corollary of each of these is a negative
lesson learned for life. These children then carry these lessons into
other aspects of their lives and on into adulthood. It’s called
a transference of learning. It stands to reason that teaching positive
attitudes about sports instils positive values about the game of life.
Make no mistake - a coach's obsession to win at all costs will cripple
the developing psyche of a child.
